My life with cancer

Overall a much better day today.  I’ve actually eaten what I had planned to for the day, so I’m not starving myself today.  I am staying away from chewable foods.  It’s just better to eat stuff that all I have to do with is swallow.  My mouth is sore, but my tongue is killing me.  I did notice today that after 2 of my Lortabs, the tongue pain actually does improve.  I saw Dr. Greenberg today and he started me on a fentanyl patch.  Granted when you start crying when the doc asks you how you’re doing, you’re liable to get something strong.  The patch should kick in by tomorrow morning and I’m hoping for some serious pain relief.  I did feel better overall today, probably because I didn’t have to work.  Tomorrow’s the first real disability day, since I’m normally off on Tuesdays.  Hoping to get some things done, but not planning on exerting myself physically.  John’s in Austin tomorrow, but if this patch works I should be a-okay to handle the kiddos by myself in the morning.  The evening will be interesting, but that’s for tomorrow to worry about…

Last morning at work today was horrid.  I had no energy, I couldn’t talk, and I was just plain painful.  Everyone was super understanding, but that didn’t make it any easier.  I just plain didn’t want to be there.  My mouth is absolutely killing me, so I’ve eaten very little today.  I did get Magic Mouth Wash from Penny, my radiation oncologist’s nurse, but it makes me gag.  Did help me eat a stuffed cabbage roll tonight though, so that was excellent.  I just sat on the couch for the whole afternoon, trying to recover from my morning.  Thank goodness that’s it for work until I’m done.  Hoping tomorrow will be more positive and less painful.

Oh, but there is one positive.  It appears that my hair has stopped falling out.  Good thing too.  I really don’t need to go bald.  I have these moles on my head that are quite unsightly.  There’s no need for anyone but my hairdresser and me to know about them.

Spent the whole day on the couch pretty much.  Tired and painful mouth.  Read and watched TV for the most part.  Didn’t eat enough today, but I don’t have the stamina this evening to make myself eat any more.  I’ll try to do better tomorrow.  I can see a G-tube in my future if I continue like this.  It’s starting to sound welcome.  Forcing down food sucks.  🙁

Saturday at work is challenging without all the side effects of radiation and chemotherapy, so it was bad this morning.  I was tired, nauseous, and just didn’t want to be there.  It’s getting harder and harder to talk with all the swelling in my mouth, never mind eat.  I told my manager that I was going to be taking off after Monday morning until my treatment was finished.  I’m going to go take care of my surgical patients in the morning, but after that I’m done.  Can’t do it anymore.  Too tiring.

The rest of the day was hard.  Cold chills and fatigue till the end of the day.  Having a harder time eating too.  Just difficult to chew and swallow with all the pain.  I’m forcing myself to eat still, but it is challenging.  Going to bed shortly so I can get some control over this cold chill.  🙁

Chemo went about the same as last week.  Nothing too exciting.  I’m not really able to snack on normal food anymore though, so I had one of those knock-off Ensure shakes.  Bleh!  But it’s a lot of calories, so I gotta do what I gotta do.  Went out to Olive Garden tonight and had a normal dinner.  Pasta and shrimp which are easy to take down, and lots of salad.  Still able to eat salad today.  Not much stamina left over after that, so no partying for John and me even though the kids are at my parents’ for the weekend.  Just the thought of having to work tomorrow is making me tired.  I think I’m about ready to stop and take off from work till I’m finished dealing with this.

Well, it’s begun.  My mouth feels bad.  Really bad.  And my understanding is that it’s only going to get worse.  My tongues feels burned and now the back of my throat is starting to hurt as well.  Ouch! 🙁 Keeping my mouth moist by drinking water is still the best thing, but doesn’t feel all that pain free anymore.  Eating is becoming a chore, but there are still things that I can chow down on.  Anything soft is still a definite go.  Had DanDan Noodles from PeiWei today and they were tasty, but a little bit too spicy.  Never did think they were all that spicy before.  Oh well.  I’ll have to keep in mind to stick to mild flavors.  Duh!

Woke up feeling sore and tired this morning.  John stayed home to help get the kids off, especially Marcus who goes on the bus at 7 am.  That helps a lot.  Morning was slow at work and I was rather tired.  Afternoon was busy and I felt a little better, but my patience was wearing off at the end of the day.  I got home and a cold chill hit me, so I didn’t go to the Collin County Down Syndrome Moms’ dinner like I had planned.  I really wanted to go, but I just couldn’t even think about sitting in a restaurant for 2-3 hours.  Ms. Patty (Duncan’s daycare teacher) made dinner for us today, beef enchiladas.  They were quite tasty and everyone liked them.  That was awfully nice of her.

This was the first day I had to wait for radiation therapy.  Usually I get there and get called back before even sitting down, but I knew that it was gonna take a while because there were a lot of people checked in around me.  Still only took 20 minutes total.  Sure is quick for causing so much pain.

On a positive front, I can poop again?  Yay! 🙂  The multiple laxatives I’ve been taking are finally working.  I feel much better.  Now I know how to deal with that side effect.  Thank goodness!

I have never been constipated before this experience.  Never.  Now I am and I definitely know how it feels.  That full feeling at the bottom of my abdomen is unmistakable.  I hate it.  I’m taking Miralax twice daily now, I’m popping Colace with every meal, and I’m considering Ex-lax.  Pretty desperate at this point.  I’m even looking at the enemas at Walmart longingly.  I’m still defecating daily, but it’s tiny pebbles which is so not normal for me.

On other fronts, my mouth is getting more and more burned.  Can’t taste much of anything, and sweets are absolutely horrible.  Salads and potatoes are the tasty things I’m eating.  Both still going down smoothly.  Felt worse and worse through the day and was pretty tired by the end of the day.  Also feeling nauseous at the end of the day, but I’m not sure if it’s the nasty feeling in my mouth or true nausea.  Taking the morning off from getting Marcus ready tomorrow morning, so maybe I won’t be so tired as the day progresses.

Well, today was different from yesterday in that I didn’t feel all that horrible in the morning.  Just the usual aches and pains in my shoulder, neck, and jaw, but no serious fatigue to speak of.  My mouth and gums are mildly irritated, pretty much unchanged since yesterday.  I did manage to get all the kids off to school by myself, so I wasn’t that bad off today.  The rest of the day was fine, but I am taking more of the Lortabs than I’d like, I’m up to 4 today. 🙁  Tasting stuff is a wash.  With a burned tongue and sore gums, it’s not that surprising.  I had an egg taco today that was quite tasty.  The mashed potatoes worked well again today too.  I even had chicken noodle soup for dinner (had to let it cool off a lot) and could actually taste all the flavors.  They were a little bit off, but still pretty good.  Homemade soup beats all!  A cold spell hit me in the early evening and as usual later too.  Seems to be my body’s way of dealing with disease.  Something’s wrong and I start feeling like it’s 50°F in the room.  Very inconvenient when you’re trying to interact with the family.

Met with the radiologist today.  Quick visit, since there’s not too much going on that I can’t deal with yet.  Got weighed again.  Annoying.  Not losing any weight.  Which is good.  But the weight is annoying.  If I don’t lose weight with this, I’m definitely doing it afterwards.

Whole day filled with cold chills and extreme fatigue.  I guess the chemo hit me today.  John was out of town, so I entertained the boys all by my lonesome at the house.  Mom came by in the morning, so I could go to church with Marcus and Hektor.  The fatigue didn’t really hit me till after she left.  At least that broke the day up for the boys, since we didn’t do anything else outside of the house today.  I did feel mildly nauseous here and there, but the meds are controlling that beautifully.  Basically spent the day on the couch resting and directing the flow of play.  The cold chills are the worst! 🙁

Also, check out the bruise 5 days after the nurse tried to place a catheter in my arm.  Awesome, huh?  That would be why I have a mediport now.

Did I mention that I love my mediport?  Because I do, I really do. 🙂

The rest of the day was wonderful as well.  I felt great.  Mom came over to clean, so all I had to do was entertain the kids since John’s out of town with his friends.  Felt really good for the whole day and had lots of energy.  Not really particularly painful either.

I did feel a little nauseous around lunch time, so I went ahead and took an ondansetron to take care of that little feeling.  Same thing close to bedtime, so I popped a promethazine to make myself comfortable.  Worked wonders and didn’t appear to make me sleepy either.  Again, I think that 1.5 liters of fluids yesterday is magical. 🙂